


Belonging

by InkstainedGwyn



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Self Esteem Issues, Spoilers, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkstainedGwyn/pseuds/InkstainedGwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke has a lot of self-esteem issues, but he means a lot more to his friends (especially Souji) than he realises. Spoilers for the True Ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Belonging

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a "Wonderful Life" style look at the True Ending from Yosuke's perspective, but I ended up pulling in a lot of heavy-handed self-esteem issues. I know Yosuke isn't really this bad in the game, but that's what "what-ifs" are for; after all, we don't all have Soujis to stand by us through all of our low points, but it would be nice if we did. Understand that most of Yosuke's 'fuckups' are from his POV; sure he goofs off and is clumsy, but the others don't see him nearly as badly as he sees himself. It's rambly and a bit of a mess, (and I already said heavy-handed), but it was very cathartic to write. Supportive Souji is my lifeblood.
> 
> I didn't explicitly state it (I did write a longer ending, but it was unnecessary and will probably end up in another story) but most of my fics are gonna end with Souji staying in Inaba, so you can assume that this is no exception. 
> 
> Also, to explain why I keep having my Magician characters act as they do, see the [wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magician_\(Tarot_card\)) on the tarot card: " _In the Magician's right hand is a wand raised toward heaven, the sky or the element æther, while his left hand is pointing to the earth. This iconographic gesture has multiple meanings, but is endemic to the Mysteries, symbolizing divine immanence, the ability of the magician to bridge the gap between heaven and earth._ "
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](https://ohlookashinysquirrel.tumblr.com) if you want to poke at me.

“ _Think_ , Chie! You had to have heard it somewhere!” Yukiko had her arm around Chie’s shoulders as the bubbly brunette tugged at her hair. Yosuke watched them for a moment, then turned his attention to the other end of the table; Naoto was sitting on one side, next to Kanji, explaining everything they’d worked out in an undertone - verbally walking through the situation helped her organize her own thoughts - and on the other side, Rise and Teddie were talking a million miles a minute. He was pretty sure they were trying to figure out whether or not they had enough info to try scanning the TV world without knowing what they were looking for. Yosuke, meanwhile, had no idea where to even _start_ ; not that he was surprised. He knew he was the least-useful member of the group.

_Get it together, Hanamura! You’ve got to be able to think of something! Think back to when Souji first got here!_

Souji. The brunette looked at the silver-haired boy sitting next to him; _their_ friend, _their_ leader, _his_ partner, _his_ best friend, and also - although Yosuke had never admitted this to anybody, it had been hard enough to admit it to himself - the love of his life. Or, at least, of his foreseeable future. His stomach flip-flopped. 

_Trust_ me - _Yosuke Hanamura, chronic fuckup, clumsiest guy on the block, eternal C student, and everybody’s favourite joke - to fall in love with somebody like Souji Seta, smartest guy in school_ , hottest _guy in… anywhere, the nicest guy ever, just_ … 

Ugh. To make a long story short, Souji was perfect, Yosuke was everything _but_ perfect, and Souji was leaving. The next day. 

_And now we’re going to spend the last day we have together chasing down more crazy TV-world nonsense. I won’t even get a chance to say anything to him._

Not that Yosuke would have _ever_ confessed; he might be an idiot but he was smart enough to realise when his dreams were only ever destined to be that - dreams. _Heartbreaking, lonely dreams where he wasn’t a fuckup and Souji would give him that gentle smile, except it meant he loved Yosuke too, and then they’d kiss, and-_

“Yosuke?” The brunette started from his daydream with the sickening realization that he’d been staring at Souji; somehow, though, Souji hadn’t seemed to realise anything other than the fact that Yosuke was spacing out - again. Souji just gave him that _gentle_ smile - the one that was warm, like sun on sand on a beautiful day at the beach where the wind was _just right_ and happy clouds dotted the sky like little fluffballs and that sunshine was going to be _leaving_ tomorrow, leaving Yosuke’s life bleak and cold again as everybody drifted away from him, forgot him; it was always that way. It had happened before in the city, and it was going to happen again, here. 

Yosuke sighed, forcing a smile onto his face. It was enough that Souji never questioned him at times like this, just sat and waited for his attention. Souji was the best thing that had ever happened to Yosuke. Was the best thing that would _ever_ happen to Yosuke. 

“Yeah, partner?” Yosuke took his fake smile and forced it into a cheerful grin; Souji looked a little worried, but he just put a hand on the brunette’s shoulder, unaware of the inner turmoil that immediately rose in Yosuke’s stomach.

“Something about the gas station, and that attendant, is weirding me out. Let’s go check it out while the others sort through their thoughts.”

* * *

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” 

It was raining, and the smug half-smile on the gas station attendant’s face was pissing Yosuke off. He was the reason everything was happening, Yosuke just _knew_ it - he could tell by Souji’s face that he’d come to the same conclusion. Clenching his fists, the brunette stepped between the two.

“What the hell did you do to Souji, you asshole? You killed people, dragged him - _us_ \- into this crap, and for what?”

Raising both eyebrows, the sullen attendant smirked, looking at Yosuke. “Oh, look, the little tagalong speaks! ‘What did I do’ - I did what I wanted to, and you - _you_ should be glad I did! Think about how lucky you were to get involved! Without the midnight channel, without having _stumbled_ across your persona, you’d still be the worthless, Junes-brand loser that nobody wants around.”

At these words, Yosuke deflated, a punctured tire with all of its air squeezed out. _Junes-brand loser. God, even the fucking_ enemies _know how pathetic I am_... 

He was startled, however, to feel Souji’s hand grip his shoulder as his partner stepped forward; he radiated an anger Yosuke wasn’t sure he’d ever _seen_ before, not on the silver-haired boy’s face. 

“Don’t you _dare_ talk to Yosuke like that. I’ve had enough of your crap - I want you to tell me right now what you did and what’s going on, because this whole charade is over.”

The two traded barbs as Yosuke - more than a little startled by the vehemence in his best friend’s voice - stared at Souji, but everything else was forgotten when the attendant vanished in a flash of light, appearing as a woman in robes, floating before them. Obviously, Souji had managed what Yosuke could not - _no surprise there_ \- and a challenge had been issued.

As the woman disappeared - again in a flash of light - the rest of the group ran up. Souji - pausing for a moment to take a deep breath, as if trying to get a handle on his emotions - slowly took his hand off Yosuke’s shoulder. 

“It looks like we’ve got a final bridge to cross.”

* * *

Yosuke tripped on the way into the electronics department - of course. They were all in a hurry to get through without being seen; of _course_ Yosuke was going to be the one to catch his foot in a coil of electric cord and almost send a new flat-screen crashing to the floor (he caught it just in time). Luckily, he worked at Junes; it was easy enough to come up with an explanation as to why he was there when the manager on duty came running over, then eventually get away and into the TV - but that didn’t change the fact that he’d wasted a good quarter of an hour. It hadn’t been hard to see Chie glaring at him from the other side of the TV, either.

“ _Jeeze_ , clumsy!” She hissed at him when he was finally through, and although he just shrugged it off - like he did every time - it didn’t mean he didn’t feel it keenly, just like every _other_ time he’d fucked up and held everybody back.

_Maybe I should just stay here. They’d get a helluva lot farther without me._

Souji’s face crossed through his thoughts, however, even as he glanced at the back of the silver head leading the way along the path Rise had found - Souji always insisted on fighting next to Yosuke, and the few times the brunette _had_ offered to sit out, it seemed to upset their leader. Somehow, Souji _liked_ him, thought of him as a best friend, called him _partner_ \- Yosuke couldn’t let that down. He could fuck up everything in the world, but he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt Souji. Ever. 

_Even though sometimes I know they’d be safer if I stayed behind_. He squared his shoulders, determined that, for once in his life, he’d do something right - if it was their last trip in, he was going to protect Souji - and everybody else - with everything he had.

* * *

“Move, partner! _Now!_ ” 

They’d been fighting for what felt like forever, and nothing was going right. Right off the bat, Yosuke had failed to protect his friends; Izanami had taken half their group out with a well-timed attack, and those that were left - him, Souji, Yukiko, and Chie - barely had enough energy to protect themselves, much less help their fallen allies. All the while, the goddess kept up a dialogue - _more like a monologue_ \- somehow knowing their emotional weak points just as well as she knew their _physical_ weak points. 

_Unsurprising, given how much we gave away with our Shadows_.

He’d just dodged a lightning bolt when he saw it - bubbling darkness under Souji’s feet, starting to creep up their leader’s shoes. Shouting for the silver-haired boy to move, _now_ \- if nothing else, Yosuke was going to protect _him_ , dammit! - he barrelled forward, knocking Souji out of the way. 

For a split second, it _worked_. Souji was safe, and Yosuke had finally done something _right_.

Then he felt the skeletal hands grip him - he couldn’t help screaming, it was _so cold_ and hurt _so much_ \- and he saw the look of horror on everyone’s face as he was pulled down, down into nothingness.

* * *

_It’s all my fault._

Floating in the darkness, it was easy to realise just how much of a failure he really was. In his selfishness - wanting to see Souji smile, spend a last day with his friend, not wanting to see the person he loved disappointed - he’d ignored the voice of reason that told him to stay back, for everyone’s good, and now… they were dead. He knew it, he could feel it. 

_Chronic fuckup? Clumsiest guy on the block, eternal C student, and everybody’s favourite joke? Murderer-by-neglect. Selfish, pathetic, Junes-brand failure. It would have been better if I’d never come to Inaba, if I’d never met them, never joined the group. Better if I’d never met…him_. That was the part that hurt the worst, realizing how much better Souji would have been if he’d never met Yosuke, and his heart wrenched. _If I wasn’t here, Souji would be okay_. 

At that thought, a strange, rasping chuckle cut through his despair. “Do you really think so?” 

Suddenly, Yosuke realised that he wasn’t floating in darkness any more. In fact, he wasn’t floating at all; he was sitting on what seemed to be a very comfortable, very plush, very blue couch. With a startled glance around, he realised that they - himself and the two other occupants - seemed to be sitting inside a car, and there was fog as thick of that in the TV world drifting outside the windows. 

“Who- what- _where_ \- huh?” _Smooth, Hanamura. You always know just what to say_.

“Welcome, Magician.” The old man - _holy crap that’s a long nose_ \- seated across from him chuckled, and Yosuke realised that this was the voice he’d heard a moment or two before. “Now tell me, do you _really_ think that everything would be better if you weren’t here? That the Fool would have been able to complete his journey?”

 _What the hell is he talking about?_ “The Fool? Souji?” Before he could get angry at the insult, however ( _if anybody’s a fool it’s me, not Souji!_ ), the other occupant of the car - a young woman with white hair and yellow eyes, though not _shadow_ -yellow - spoke up. 

“Calm yourself. Fool and Magician - leader and guide - these are titles and roles. You have met many in your journey, though only the Fool knows them as such; Priestess, Chariot, Emperor, Star, Lovers, Fortune, and so many others. As each has a title, they also have a role; you, clearly, have not yet grasped the importance of yours.”

“Important? Me?” Ignoring the pain in his heart, Yosuke snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“You don’t believe me? Take a look.” Opening the large book on her lap, the woman flipped to a page before holding it up; images floated across the surface, and as Yosuke leaned forward to get a better look, the car disappeared around him.

 _Souji and Chie, sitting in an empty classroom. Chie, hugging a red umbrella, sobbing. Souji looking frantic._ “ _I don’t know where she is, Chie - maybe it’s got something to do with that weird TV world we fell into? I know we said we’d never go back, but_ -”

Yosuke tried to reach out, tried to speak, but he’d seen enough fantasy games to realise he was watching something he couldn’t actually interact with. As he knit his brows, the scene changed.

_Souji - and Izanagi - facing Chie’s shadow. The shadow laughed as it pummelled them; Souji was barely able to hold his ground against its attacks, and there was no one else to take its attention. Suddenly it caught him with its whip, leather wrapping around his throat; time seemed to stand still as Yosuke saw Izanagi flicker - a TV image during an electrical storm - and suddenly disappear as Souji fell face-forward, no longer moving. The brunette waited to see a shallow breath - any sign of life - but none came._

As horror washed over Yosuke, the scene changed again; this time it wasn’t the TV world. _Souji sat at a table, reading a book; Nanako sat across from him, doodling aimlessly on a piece of paper. The calendar on the wall proclaimed it Golden Week; neither seemed to care, however, as they both kept to themselves, barely talking. A clock struck; both looked up_. “ _Dad’s going to be late_ ,” _Nanako mumbled, in a sad voice_. “ _I’ll make dinner_.”

The brunette barely had time to ponder this as it faded and Rise’s dungeon appeared. _Battered and bruised, Rise’s shadow unleashed the attack that drove everyone to their knees. Gripping his katana, Souji turned his head._ “ _Run, Teddie! Get out of here!_ ” _Trembling, the little bear obeyed, high-tailing it for the door even as Rise’s shadow charged up her next attack; Souji threw out a hand, trying to use the last of his energy to shield everyone. It wasn’t enough. Outside the door, Teddie stopped, throwing his paws over his mouth as he burst into tears_. “ _No! Sensei! Everyone!_ ”

The pace picked up; a series of everyday vignettes flashed by. _Afternoon, late summer; the school camping trip. Souji sat by himself, eating out of a bento; Chie and Yukiko sat a little ways down the table, sharing another box. They exchanged a few sentences - it was clear they’d all been assigned to the same group - but there was no easy camaraderie, no conversation. Fading summer days; the group grew, but there was never a time when they all got together, no concert, no beach trip, no festival. Autumn passed, and suddenly he could tell by the slump in Souji’s shoulders that it was November, and that Nanako was sick. He saw the silver-haired boy leave the hospital every day, shoulders lower each time; no one was with him, no one was there to see him break down into tears. No one walked him home. Falling leaves turned to falling snow as Souji stood, huddled against the fog, in front of a new, small grey stone spire next to Chisato Dojima’s familiar monument in the town cemetery. The headline on the newspaper, rolled under his arm, proclaimed_ , “ _Taro Namatame Dead Under Mysterious Circumstances!_ ”

“Hang on!” This was too much for Yosuke. “This doesn’t make any sense! You keep showing me things that could never have happened, not at the same time! Souji can’t die twice, and how did Rise join the group if she ended up killing everybody?” He opened his mouth to say more, but the white-haired woman stepped into view beside him, still holding her open book, the scene frozen around them.

“None of this is the past; _you_ know that as well as I do. What you’re seeing now is a meeting of ways; this place exists, outside of time, between spaces, and there are millions of realities happening all around us. These are just some of the things that could - _would_ \- have happened if you’d never joined your friends, or if you’d left any of the many times you thought you should. At no point can I show you everything; there are too many dead ends. They never would have made it past the first day without you. _Every_ person is important; a clock may have a million pieces, but missing even one, it will never run.”

“Bullshit.” Yosuke brushed his hand across his eyes, but even as he did he remembered the fight with Chie’s shadow - the _real_ one; he remembered how terrified he’d been, how everything had happened all at once. He also remembered Souji slumping against his shoulder once they were done, exhausted but smiling. He remembered his partner’s words: “ _Yosuke, we_ did _it!_ ” The brunette felt his face grow warm even as he looked away from the curious, yet impersonal gaze of the woman beside him. 

“Even now, your absence threatens everything.” She snapped the book shut and the scene around them faded. Yosuke tensed as he saw that they were no longer in the car; they stood in the middle of a vast expanse, little more than a void. In front of them, Souji lay, face-down. He was still wearing the clothes Yosuke had last seen him in; they still bore the signs of their fight with Izanami. 

Yosuke and the woman watched as, one by one, images appeared and faded in front of the silver-haired boy, images of their teammates, their friends, people Yosuke only barely recognized from town. Each one begged, or cajoled, or chastised, or pleaded; _please get up_ , or _please don’t give in_. _Please don't leave us_. Souji stared up at all of them, a bleak expression on his face; he could hear them, that much was clear, and more than once - especially when Nanako and Dojima-san appeared - he winced, trying to move. He just didn’t seem to have the energy. 

Finally, the images stopped appearing; Souji tried to push himself up, but his shaking arms wouldn’t - couldn’t - hold his weight, and with a sob, he slumped forward. Yosuke reached out, but realised - yet again - that Souji couldn’t hear him, couldn’t see him. 

Somehow, Yosuke knew this wasn’t a what-if situation; this was _real_ \- and Souji needed him. When he looked around to ask the woman what to do, he found she’d disappeared; her voice, however, seemed to linger, and he heard her words from earlier. 

_Magician… title… role… you clearly have not yet grasped the importance of yours_. 

Muttering something about stupid, vague, half-assed prophesies, Yosuke bit his lip. _Magician and Fool, leader and guide? Souji’s the leader… I’m the guide?_ Reaching out, he was suddenly painfully aware of the very fabric of the reality that enclosed him, a bubble in space and time. Without really knowing what he was doing - as if acting on instinct - he reached out, grabbing handfuls of this ‘fabric’, and _pulled_ -

-and suddenly, he found himself tumbling to the ground, right in front of Souji. Souji, whose eyes grew as wide as saucers, who stared at him with tears in his eyes. Souji, who gave a thick sob even as Yosuke - out of breath - crouched down.

“Hey, partner, get up.” Yosuke extended a hand; Souji grabbed onto it as if it were his lifeline, and when he finally stood - shaky, but stronger - he threw his arms around the brunette.

“ _Oh, Yosuke!_ ” His voice was choked. “I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t move on without you - I saw everybody but you, I was so terrified you were _gone_ …” his voice faded, and Yosuke - thinking only of the need to comfort his friend, returned the hug. 

“I’ve never been able to move forward without you,” he mumbled. “You… you’ve done so much for me. You were the first real friend I ever had… I always used to feel like I could disappear and nobody would care, but here - here with you guys - I know that’s not true, even if maybe sometimes I think Chie wouldn’t mind.” Souji gave a shaky laugh, and Yosuke - whether intoxicated by Souji’s nearness after all he’d just seen, or just emboldened by his success in discovering his ‘role’, tightened his arms. “You gave me a purpose, and you’re my partner, but you… mean more to me than that. I _love_ you, Souji.” The last words tumbled out in a nervous exhale.

In his arms, Souji froze; Yosuke had a split second to think _oh god no I fucked everything up_ before the silver-haired boy pulled back. The expression on his face wasn’t one of disgust, as the brunette had feared; it was a look of pure wonder, and Yosuke fought back tears as Souji reached up to brush his fingers across the brunette's cheek. 

“ _Yosuke_." The word was whispered, reverent, almost disbelieving. “I’ve loved you for so long now…” Then Yosuke couldn’t tell if the tears on his lips were his own or Souji’s because they were kissing, and he knew it wasn’t a dream, and suddenly he couldn’t remember why he ever thought that telling Souji would be a _bad_ thing, because this - this was _perfect_.

Well, it would have been perfect if they weren’t drifting in a pocket of time and space between worlds. Just as they pulled away, Yosuke saw something shift, out of the corner of his eye, and everything - Izanami, Yomi, the battle, the TV world - came rushing back to him. Taking Souji’s hand, he squared his shoulders.

“We can’t stay here. We’ll talk about this once we’ve kicked Izanami’s ass.”

A wince of pain crossed Souji’s face. “Yosuke, everybody’s dead. She even killed me, and-”

“Bullshit.” Still holding Souji’s hand, Yosuke was searching for the place that felt most _right_ ; when he found it he reached for it, ripping downwards. As the veil parted, they heard Yomi’s tell-tale droning and lapping of water; they heard Izanami’s maniacal laugh. Yosuke put a hand on Souji’s shoulder. “You've got this, I _know_ you do.”

As Souji looked at him, a smile grew on his face; it wasn’t smug, or gentle, it was _certain_ \- and the silver-haired boy nodded. “You’re right. I’ll go, with Izanagi, and-”

“-and I’ll get the others.” Yosuke returned the smile; leaning forward, Souji stole a kiss. 

“I’ll see you on the other side, partner.”

* * *

“Wow, it’s _beautiful!_ ” 

Izanami was dead, defeated at the hands of Souji and Izanagi. Yosuke had saved their teammates - had been surprised when Chie, hiccupping a sob, threw her arms around his neck (“ _Stupid! We thought you were dead!_ ”) - and now everyone stood together, blinking at the new, peaceful world that surrounded them.

Heading home that evening - after finally managing to make it out of Junes without anyone stopping to ask them why they all looked like they’d been in a street fight - Souji and Yosuke parted from the others where the road split, leading down to the floodplain. It hadn’t been hard for everyone to read the air, and although there were some raised eyebrows - Rise pouted at Souji, and Chie slugged Yosuke’s shoulder with a wink - the teasing was good-natured, and the rest of the group waved goodnight. 

“Honestly, I don’t even get how this real.” Yosuke - feeling a lot more like his usual, insecure self now that endorphins had worn off and they were no longer trapped in a supernatural realm - found himself staring at the ground as they walked along.

“What do you mean? That I love you? Because I absolutely do.” Souji squeezed his hand; the brunette looked up, a flush suffusing his face. 

“Why me? I’m just… _ugh_.” He remembered what he’d seen, but it was still so hard to wrap his mind around everything. “I’m just… a fuckup, the peanut gallery, I’m too clumsy for somebody like you.”

“You are _not_.” Souji’s voice was soft, and it held a light note of rebuke. “You’re _not_ a fuckup, and if you like to joke around, that doesn’t make you a peanut gallery. More people enjoy your humour than you believe; I wish you could see yourself as others do, as _I_ do - bright, vivacious, _shining_. I've always envied you, you know? Just seeing your smile - hearing your voice - has saved me, so many times."

Now, Yosuke was _really_ blushing. “I’m still clumsy,” he muttered, knowing that Souji would never let him argue about the rest of it.

The silver-haired boy just laughed. “So what if you are? Maybe I’m glad. If you weren’t clumsy, you’d never fallen into that trash can, and we might never have become friends.” When Yosuke looked up at him, he smirked. “Besides, when you trip, I’ll always be there to catch you. Like this-”

Stopping suddenly, Souji tugged on Yosuke’s hand; the brunette lost his balance, falling towards the taller boy, who wrapped his arms around Yosuke and let himself fall backwards. Yosuke spluttered and Souji gave a puff of laughter as he landed - not too jarringly - on his back against the sloped and grassy riverbank, the brunette still in his arms. When Yosuke gave Souji a _look_ , Souji kissed him, and suddenly - well, suddenly, Yosuke didn’t feel like arguing any more.

Finally, they separated slightly; Yosuke hit Souji’s shoulder, but it wasn’t very hard.

“ _Oh my god you sap_.” 

“Yep.” Souji nuzzled the top of Yosuke’s head. “And I love you.”

The insecurities, the anxiety - they weren’t going to go away, not just like that. But as Yosuke lay in Souji’s arms, watching the sunset over the river, he realised - 

_This is where I belong_.


End file.
